Student for life, like it or not!

Six months under my belt and so much to show for it, or at least stories to tell. The only tangible things to show from my time here in Munich are an increased number in Facebook friends, my Munich apartment, six months of pay stubs and that wretched bruise from my run in with a bus stop last week. So what has transpired in my time here on German soil, apart from taking copious amounts of German lessons?

Simple. A class in becoming 'kind of' German or let’s call it: Integration 101

Lesson 1: You are not in Spain any longer.

My first football match was Bayern Munich versus Real Madrid in the Champions League. There was a ceremonial burning of jerseys as I donned the red of my new club. That’s all true without the whole burning part. Not that I was a Barca or a Madrid fan in particular, but my colleagues marked the occasion to be sure I was settling into my new team nonetheless.

Lesson 2: When in Rome….

Bowl as the Germans bowl. Kegeln. No, its not that. It’s nine pin German bowling only found in the States in remote places like Texas, which says everything you need to know about nine pin bowling. The pins are shaped differently, balls come without holes to get your fingers stuck in and the machines that control it all resemble a puppeteer pulling up on the strings of his toys below. It was an interesting night, there was bowling of course, team bonding, fork stabbing and then a game similar to h.o.r.s.e. (American basketball) but had something to do with building a coffin. Morbid.

Lesson 3. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle.

And drink and dance all at the same time. There once was a women’s prison in Munich that was naturally reused to house a night of dancing, music and a number of bars. The courtyard was nicely manicured and the attendees opted for street clothes over any striped jumpsuits. The night began precariously as the blackbox that is my iphone decided to stop working minutes before getting into a taxi. I had no idea where to go, no phone numbers and only a handful of German words that didn't include ‘detention center’ or ‘prison’ just yet. I finally made it and followed a line in the floor that gave direction to its former residents and fortunately ran into those I was seeking. Fun fact: another line led to the bathroom within the old cells. Those Germans, they reuse everything!

Lesson 4: The Germans have a sense of humor. Some of them.

Week one I was introduced to a youtube video sent to American soldiers from post-WWII times who were headed to the American zone (including Bavaria). The video, given to me by my boss and German colleagues, warned ‘me’ to not trust the Germans, refuse to shake their hands, avoid fraternization and to be warned of the ‘mighty pretty scenery’. I sat quietly through the first viewing scared to express any emotion as I had been warned back home that it was these very people that lacked any sense of humor! Little did I know that this was merely the beginning of a flood of American stereotyping.

Lesson 5: Stereotypes. Just smile and nod.

The first may have been when I got into the car on a warm, but not abnormally hot day. Air conditioning was on and suddenly the windows went down: ‘Don’t all Americans drive with the windows down and the air conditioning on?’

Television commercials have not done us justice. I’ve been asked more than once if I leave my refrigerator open to cool my house in the summer. They think that everyone rushes home from work and throws their body into the refrigerator for cooling.

I was chastised for buying a fan. Okay, the one for the apartment was not outlandish, but perhaps the one I carried in my purse was.

But we all know that stereotypes go both ways and I nearly jumped out of my shoes the first time I saw a German in a suit with ‘dress sandals’ on and the omnipresent white tube sock.

Dear Frau Merkel, its an awful look. Ban it. Officially. Your people will thank you. LG, Andrea

A few other things I have learned:

If you cannot breathe, but can sit down in a dirndl….it fits perfectly.

Non-smoking hotel rooms in Germany have heat sensing fire alarms that your shower steam can and will set off at inconvenient moments.

Stationary objects in Germany are just as stationary as in other parts of the world. Avoid hitting them on bikes.

Smiling at Germans does not compel them to smile back. Ever.

Oktoberfest is not the time to see what 4 liters of beer tastes like.

Nails do not enter concrete walls easily, not even with a hammer.

Putting 5 grapes in your mouth while speaking ‘High German’ sounds a lot like speaking Bayerisch.

Live on a street that you can pronounce, at a house number that is also easy to articulate. Ignoring both is not going to lead to cheap taxi rides as the taxi driver tries to translate.

Bike tires are smaller than tram tracks – avoid a late night comparison (at any speed).

Speaking German in Starbucks doesn’t make it any bit more acceptable that you are in a Starbucks in Europe.

I am learning more with every day!